Calling all Ninjas
by Akai Ito
Summary: Funny answering machine messages of all the characters of Naruto!
1. Sasuke

N/A: If you liked this please check out my other fic Behind the scenes of Naruto. I don't own anything but my computer and my own stupid ideas.

**Sasuke**

**Sasuke's answering machine message:**

Naruto whatever your going to ask me the answer is NO! Sakura, Ino stop leaving messages on my machine! Kakashi-sensei, your the one that better not be late for practice! Neji, Saturday, the forest, 1:00pm. Don't be late. Yes Lee I still think your weird. Shikamaru, yes, yes, I know Ino! Chougi for the last time I don't have any marshmallows in my house! Kiba I haven't seen, kidnapped, or killed Akamaru. Hinata, I don't know what color Naruto's bed sheets are. Gaara stop sending me death threats! Itachi, Yes I still hate you. Orochimaru stop stalking me! And for crying out loud everyone stop calling me! Beep...

**Messages on Sasuke's Machine:**

**Message #1**

(Naruto) Everyone else is busy and no one else will tolerate me so I decided to call you! Do you wanna buy me Ramen at the Ramen shop? Then afterwards we can fight, I want to show you this new technique I learned! Call me back!

**Message #2**

(Sakura) Sasuke, I just wanted to know if you've got any plans...then maybe we could practice or something. Bye!

**Message #3**

(Ino) Sasuke! I know that Sakura called you but just dump her and go out with me. We could go to the park or something!

**Message #4**

(Sakura) Hey I forgot to tell you if Ino called just now ignore her because I bet she told you to ignore me, didn't she?

**Message #5**

(Kakashi) Hey we have a practice tomorrow don't be late.

**Message #7**

(Lee) I was just thinking and all and maybe if I trimmed my hair a little that I could become cooler. What do you think? Maybe I wouldn't be so weird?

**Message #8**

(Ino) Remember what I told you!

**Message #9**

(Sakura) Ignore her!

**Message #9**

(Neji) You better show up for a fight! Oh yeah and did I tell that I'm so much smarter than you, I'm so much more good looking than you, I'm so much... (Hinata's voice in the background) Neji! hurry up! (Neji) Uhh...I'll call you back later I get help Hinata sew bed sheets or something.

**Message #10**

(Shikamaru) You know your starting to annoy me! I mean Ino called me like at 1:00 in the morning to tell me this dream she had of you and her getting married. I would complain to Ino but then she'd just tell me the names for your children that she picked out or something. This is your fault!

**Message #11**

(Chougi) Don't worry about it man I got some marshmallows from Shino's house. Now what I need is chocolate. Do you have any?

**Message #12**

(Ino) Don't forget to call me back so we can set up our date! Ignore Sakura!

**Message #13**

(Sakura) Sasuke just ignore Ino and call me back so we can make plans!

**Message #14**

(Kiba) I don't trust you Uchiha! Akamaru has been missing and you had better not done anything to him! Last time he was missing he was practically on the front lawn of your house!

**Message #15**

(Neji) I'm so much stronger than you, I'm so much cooler than you, I'm so much more awesome than you, (Hinata's voice in the background.) Neji! What are you doing? Come on and help me! (Neji yelling at Hinata) I'm leaving a phone message for Sasuke telling him how great I am! (Hinata in the background) Sasuke? Give me that phone! (Hinata) Hey Sasuke! So what color bed sheets do you think Naruto would like? Orange ones? Or ones decorated with ramen bowls? Call me back ASAP!

**Message #16**

(Gaara) I will kill you Uchiha Sasuke! I will make sure your blood mixes with my sand so that I will be become stronger! (maniac laughing) I will kill you! (Laughing dies down and then a cough) Oh...and...Uh...thanks for the birthday card.

**Message #17**

(Itachi) Hello my foolish little brother! I just want to make sure that your fine. You still hate and you still want to kill me, don't you? Oh and mom and dad say Hi! I mean that's what they probably would have said, but we can't really know can we! Anyway practice hard everyday so that one day you can kill me.

**Message #18**

(Orochimaru) Hello Sasuke. I'm just calling to ask you some questions. What is your favorite color? What is your favorite food? What is your deepest darkest secret? What color is your underwear? I need you to answer those questions because Kabuto and I are working on a 100 page profile on you! Call back!

**Message#19**

(Sakura) Sasuke don't forget we still need to make plans about practice! Forget about Ino!

**Message #20**

(Ino) I was just thinking wouldn't going to the park and having a picnic be fun? Just call me so we can set the time and date! Ignore Sakura!


	2. Sakura

N/A: Please forgive me for torturing Sasuke endlessly!

**Sakura**

**Sakura's answer machine message:**

Hello! You have reached Uchiha Sakura's answering machine. I am probably not home because I'm out stalking Sasuke or stealing some spiderman underwear from him. Anyway leave a message if you like but it is most likely I will not answer it. Unless you are Sasuke, have Sasuke related business, or are willing to tell me any of Sasuke's deep dark secrets. Thank You!

**Messages on Sakura's machine:**

**Message #1**

(Sasuke) When did your family name become Uchiha? You're not related to me or married to me and I'm pretty sure that neither is going to happen. Sakura, I demand that you change that message!

**Message #2**

(Sasuke) Oh and I forgot...GIVE ME BACK MY SPIDERMAN UNDERWEAR! (in a low voice) They're my favorite.

**Message #3**

(Itachi) Hello! You may not know me but I am willing to tell you some of Sasuke's deep dark secrets! First of all Sasuke has an irrational fear of toasters! When he was a kid he had just finished washing his hands and I told him to stick his finger in the toaster. Being the foolish little boy he is, he did it. We couldn't bring him two feet near a toaster without him freaking out for months! (Sasuke's angry voice in the background) Itachi stop telling random people about my deep dark secrets! I'll kill you! (Sounds of struggling)

**Message #4**

(Ino) Sakura I will not allow that you take Sasuke away from me! I just want to warn you that one day I will make Sasuke mine! We will live in a big cream colored villa at the edge of Konoha. There we will raise our two beautiful girls. Sasuke will be like (Ino intimating Sasuke) I love Ino! I will always love you. (Ino being Ino) Really Sasuke! I love you! I have always loved you! (Ino mimicking Sasuke) You were always the one for me. I never liked that stupid Sakura. (Ino as Ino) I will love you forever Sasuke!

**Message #5**

(Itachi) Sorry...now where was I. (Paranoid Sasuke in the background) Toasters! No! No more toasters. (Itachi) Second, Sasuke has a secret love for cotton dinosaur pajamas. Third when Sasuke was born he had six toes on his left foot. We had to bring him to a doctor to remove it, it was pretty ugly. And last of all Sasuke still sleeps with a white teddy bear named Mr. Snuggles. That's all I can think about for now, but if I think of more I'll call you!

**Message #6**

(Orochimaru) Hello. I am calling around and asking people if they want to join the "We Love Sasuke" fan club. Currently I am the president of the club, Itachi is the vice president, Kisame is our secretary, and Kabuto is our mascot. Anyway we are open to anyone who wants to join so please just call me back at 1-800-We-love-sasuke for membership information.

**Message #7**

(Itachi) Oh yeah and Sasuke has a birthmark on his behind!


	3. Gaara

N/A: Thanks for all the reviews. I just hope you guys like this one, it was pretty difficult. Anyway don't forget to check out my other fic Behind the scenes of Naruto. Enjoy.

**Gaara**

**Gaara's answering machine message:**

You have reached Gaara's answering machine. I am probably not home because I'm out killing people and reeking havoc and destruction on the world. Don't leave a message on my machine or I'll kill you. (a moment's silence) On second thought leave a message so I can kill you. Yes, so your blood will mix with my sand I will become stronger. All of you will bow down and marvel at the great Gaara of The Dessert! (Maniac Laughter) Blood! Death! Mayhem! (Laughing dies down and a cough) I will try to get back to you as soon as possible so just leave a message...Please. Beep...

**Messages on Gaara's Machine:**

**Message #1:**

(sound of someone hanging up the phone) Beep...

**Message #2:**

(some guy) Hello. I'm Pete from The Ninja Sand Corporation or NSC. I am just here to inform you that your membership for our monthly sand delivery had been revoked. This is all due to the fact that you killed the delivery boy that was suppose to deliver your sand last month. If you want to continue with our sand delivery program I advise that you...(whirlwind sound in the background.) Sand! What are you doing? Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! No! Please! Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! (dead silence)

**Message #3**

(low demonic voice) This is the Devil speaking. I just want to tell you what a good time I had at your birthday party. I just hope you enjoy the 5 foot long steel bazooka I got you. Maybe next time we can go to an amusement park and "amuse" ourselves. Until next time.

**Message #4**

(A women) Hello! Gaara this is your mother! You might be wondering how I left this message but it doesn't really matter. Anyway I want to make sure that my little boy has been. Have you been eating your vegetables? Have you been brushing your teeth regularly? Have you been playing nice with the other ninjas? Be honest with me young man. Have you been killing people again? Remember what I told you about killing people! Yes, it's bad to kill people after eating. You should always wait a half hour after eating. Be a good boy. Love you!


	4. Kabuto

N/A: Please, Don't kill me! I don't want to offend any Orochimaru fans by this chapter. I have my own C2 community called LOL Naruto! So if you want to submit a story or become a staff writer please contact me (I could really use it)! If you don't at least subscribe! Thanks a bunch!

**Kabuto**

**Kabuto's answering machine message:**

You have reached Kabuto's phone line. I am probably at home, but won't able to answer the phone. (Yells at the background) Orochimaru-sama! What did I tell you about sitting close too close to the TV screen! (To machine) As I was saying I am probably at home but too busy to answer the phone. (To Orochimaru) Stop playing with your vegetables and start eating them! Don't make me take away your dessert! ( Back to machine) Feel free to leave a message if you want. (Shouts to Orochimaru) How many times do I have to tell not to run with scissors! If you don't let go of the shiny object this instant I'll give you a time out! (Speaking to answering machine) I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible. (Screams at the background) What did I tell you about putting foreign objects in your mouth! Spit that thing out right now or your grounded! beep...

**Messages on Kabuto's answering machine:**

**Message #1**

(Orochimaru) Kabuto! Kabuto! Kabuto! I want Sasuke! I want Sasuke! I want Sasuke! I want my little stuffed Sasuke doll to sleep with me while I take my nap! (Kabuto coughs in background) Orochimaru-sama, why are you leaving a phone message on my answering machine when I'm right here? (Orochimaru screams) Sasuke! Sasuke! Sasuke! (Kabuto grumbles) Fine! Fine! Fine! Here you go. Now you better take a nap right now.

**Message #2**

(Orochimaru) I'm Huuunnngggrrryyy! I'm Hungry! I want some Lucky Charms! (Kabuto) Lucky Charms? For lunch? (Orochimaru in whining voice) I want Lucky Charms! I want to eat those little marshmallows in those cool shapes. (Kabuto grumbles) Ok. Ok. Here you go.

**Message #3**

(Happy Orochimaru) Yippeee! This is a pot of gold! This is a rainbow! This is a horse shoe! This is a four-leaf clover. This is...oh no...what is this? What is it! What is it! What is it! (Kabuto yells desperately.) Orochimaru-sama stop frantically running around in circles with your arms in the air and that stupid marshmallow in your hand.

**Message #4**

(Orochimaru) I squished it! I squished it! I squished it! Oh no...I squished it! Tell me what it is! What is it! (Kabuto) It's a lump of pink coal! Now go back to your lunch this instant. Do you want me to punish you!

**Message #5**

(Itachi) Hello. I'm just calling to tell you that Kisame and I are coming over today!

**Message #6**

(Itachi) Kabuto I want some macaroni and cheese. (Orochimaru) Kabuto I want some more Lucky Charms. (Kisame) Kabuto I want a 10 feet long fish stick. (Kabuto) Itachi here's your macaroni and cheese. Orochimaru-sama here's your Lucky Charms. Kisame I don't have any 10 feet long fish sticks, so I got you these fishsticks shaped like numbers. (Itachi) This isn't macroni and cheese! This is cheese and macaroni! (Orochimaru) Oh my gosh! What! What is this the is this oddly shaped green marshmallow! (Kisame) I don't know how to count!

**Message #7**

(Orochimaru) Kabuto we're not hungry anymore. We demand that you bring Sasuke over here so that we can play with him. (Kabuto annoyed) Here's your stuffed Sasuke doll. I can't bring you the real one because he's been kidnapped by a girl named Haruno Sakura. So just play nice with this Sasuke you three. If you don't I'll make you stand in the corner.

**Message #8**

(Orochimaru) Kabuto Itachi's trying to take Sasuke away from me. (Itachi) Sasuke's mine! (Kabuto) Orochimaru-sama! Itachi! Stop fighting over Sasuke! Kisame, go back to your corner right night or I'll take away your fish sticks! (Orochimaru) He's mine! (Itachi) Sasuke belongs to me! (Kisame taunting Kabuto) I don't like your fishsticks anyway! (Angry Kaubto) Get back here you over-sized fish! I'll kill you and sell you to a tuna factory!

**Message #9**

(Orochimaru) Kabuto! Kabuto! Sasuke's broken! Now the head isn't connected to the body anymore. It's all Itachi's fault! Punish him! (Itachi) No it isn't! If you have just given Sasuke to me then he wouldn't be broken. (Kabuto) If you both don't shut up, I'll punish you both! (Orochimaru) But Itachi started it! (Itachi) Did not! (Orochimaru) Did too! (Itachi) Did not! (Orochimaru) Did too! (Kisame) Look I found this butcher knife! It's all shiny and sharp! (Kabuto) Kisame! Put that knife down right now or I'll...do something bad!

**Message #10**

(Orochimaru) Kabuto, we're hungry again. (Itachi) I want some macaroni and cheese. (Orochimaru) Lucky Charms! (Kisame) Fish sticks! But I don't want those icky number ones. (Kabuto grumbles) Itachi here's your macaroni and cheese. Orochimaru-sama here's your Lucky Charms. Kisame here's your Fishsticks, they're shaped like the alphabet letters. (Orochimaru) It's a yellow lump of coal! (Itachi) Why is my cheese yellow? I demand that you make it white! (Kisame) I hate fishsticks!


	5. Shikamaru

N: Ok. Ok. I'll eventually get to Naruto and everyone else, just bare with me here.

**Shikamaru**

**Shikmaru's answering machine message:**

This is Shikamaru's machine. I'm home. I just don't want to talk to any troublesome people right now or ever. So if I were you, which I'm not thank goodness, I wouldn't leave a message because I will most likely not answer it. I mean all you troublesome people are calling me and telling me to do crap for you because you stupid people can't anything for yourselves. I mean you have to call Shikamaru and bother him with your dumb problems. Then I have to get up and check my crappy answering machine for all your troublesome messages. Even if my answering machine says not to leave a message I know that you can't resist and you'll leave one anyway. Beep...

**Messages on Shikmaru's machine:**

**Message #1**

(Ino) Shikamaru! I need to get off your butt and come on my house this instant! I need you to help me plan my wedding with Sasuke. (pause) You wouldn't mind being the maid of honor would you? I mean I really don't have any friends that are girls and you are like a good friend and all. Anyway, come to my house right now!

**Message #2**

(Naruto) Hey! Hey, Shikamaru! I'm really bored and everyone else is busy. I mean Sasuke's still kidnapped and Lee is getting his hair trimmed, so I had no one else to call. So you want to go and have some ramen? If not, I could always go to your house and we could play three consecutive hours of Naruto Narutimett Hero 2. What do you think? Call me back, eh?

**Message #3**

(Ino) I change my mind I'll plan my wedding tommorrow but today we need to recapture Sasuke! I totally forgot that the stupid Sakura kidnapped him and who knows what she doing to my precious Sasuke. So change of plans I'm coming to your house. I'll bring the rope, the nightvision goggles, a solar radar, and the instant noodles. We're going on a 24-hour stake out! Stay put and I'll be there soon.

**Message #4**

(Chouji) Shikamaru, I need your help. It's so horrible! I left a piece of chocolate cake on the kitchen table. I turned around to get a cup of milk, then when I turned around I saw that my cake was gone! Since your the smartest person I know I need you to help me figure out the culprit! We won't rest until we figure out who stole my delicous piece of chocolate cake!

**Message #5**

(Tsunade) Shikamaru I have a very important and crucial mission for you. This mission that I'm goving you is very dangerous and there is a 90 chance that you will die doing it, at the very least be severly injured. So I advise that you get yourself ready. Be in my office at 5:00 am tommorrow morning. Please bring 10 buckets, 8 mops, 5 brooms, 10 rags, 9 dustpans and 15 sponges.

**Message #6**

(A deep manly voice) Shikamaru this is the president of the United States of America. My country needs you and your brain. I need you to do some top secret research at the pentagon. A federal helicopter will be there to pick you up in exactly 56 minutes. Make sure that no one sees you, this is strictly top secret.

**Message #7**

(Asuma) Shikamaru you have some long and tiring training to do. Be up at exactly 6:00 on Saturday and we will train up until 6:00 pm, with no breaks in between. This is very crucial so you better not be late.


	6. Neji

**Neji**

**Neji's answering machine message:**

You have reached Hyuga Neji's answering machine. I bet you called here to tell me how great I am or to challenge me to a fight, a fight where we both know that I'll win because of my superior fighting skills. Anyway feel free to swoon over me because we all know that's I'm the most handsome, the coolest, the smartest, and the strongest guy around Konoha. If you want to challenge me to a fight just leave a message and I'll see if I can pencil you into my busy schedule; I mean between running away from rabid fan girls and planning the downfall of main house. Leave a message and I'll see if I can get back to you. Beep…

**Messages on Neji's machine:**

**Message #1**

(A rabid fan girl) Neji! Neji! Neji, I love you! Remember after stalking you for a day you told me jump off a bridge? Well I did and even though the water was freezing but I did just for you! Neji, I love you! I'll do anything for you!

**Message #2**

(Lee) Neji I'm ready to challenge you a fight! I have just had my hair trimmed and I'm much cooler now! I'm ready for anything! I won't let you push me around anymore! Meet me at the forest at 1:00 pm on Saturday! Or Else! (Pause) I mean if that's ok with you. I mean if you're busy you can call me back so we can schedule our fight.

**Message #3**

(Sasuke) Neji, don't forget about our fight! We're finally going to settle who the better prodigy is! Don't be so calm because I'm going to kick your butt! (Sakura) Sasuke where are you? (Sasuke whipers) That is after I escape Sakura's wrath.

**Message #4**

(Hinata) Neji where the heck have you been? You promised me that you'd help me sew some bed sheets! You better help me right now! Don't make me have to make you!

**Message #5**

(Crazy fan girl) I love you Neji! I waited yesterday for you to come to the church but you didn't come! But it's ok with me! I'm your biggest fan and I love you more than anyone else does! My greatest dream is to be able to marry the great Hyuga Neji! Neji I love you!

**Message #6**

(Naruto) Neji, wanna do something? I mean Sasuke is on the verge of being pronounced dead, Lee says that he's trying to become cooler or something, and Shikamaru is visiting the president of the United States of America. Since everyone else is busy I thought that I could hang out with you. We don't have to fight if you want you can teach me how to become a ladies man. What do you think huh? I mean I just saw a bunch of fan girls praising your used bubblegum.

**Message #7**

(Mad fan girl) Neji I love you! I love you more than anything! I mean I keep a lock of your long beautiful silky hair under my pillow and at night I dream that you and I are in a field of flowers and we're running to each other's arms in slow motion! Neji I'll wait for you forever!

**Message #8**

(Kakashi) Neji we have a meeting later. A meeting of "We are the most hunky, the most handsome, the most good looking, the most macho guys of Konoha" club. We must talk about the recent disappearance of our secretary Uchiha Sasuke.

**Message #9**

(Tenten) Hey, Neji. If you're not cooking up some diabolical downfall of the main house, not running away from a hoard of rabid fan girls, or not fighting with someone I was wondering if we could do something. Call me back if you can.

**Message #10**

(President of the "We love Neji" fan club.) Neji we are currently planning to make a 10 foot ice statue of you and we were wondering if you wanted the caption to say "Hyuga Neji the greatest Ninja" Or "Hyuga Neji the greatest Ninja ever". We are at a loss, so please call me back as soon as possible.


	7. Naruto

N/A: Yes, I finally did Naruto. I mean with all the endless pestering I finally thought of some phone messages worthy of Naruto. Enjoy. I just want to inform you that this chapter is linked to the next one.

**Naruto**

**(Konoha line)**

**Naruto's answering machine message:**

Hello! You have reached Naruto's answering machine! I'm probably not home because I'm training. Yes training so that one day I will become the greatest Hokage of all time! (Insert triumphant music)Yes my greatest dream is to become the Hokage. I will become the Hokage and it doesn't matter what anyone else says. It doesn't matter what happens because one day I will become the Hokage and no one can stop me. Many people call me stupid and noisy but I will show them that even though I'm like this I will go through any obstacles and any challenges. With hard work and determination I will reach my goal to become Hokage. One day I will be the Hokage of Konoha and I will protect our village from all enemies. I will tear down the wall of oppression, I will protect the weak, I will fight for what's right, I will uphold justice, and I will spread harmony in our village. Yes I am a ninja. And ninjas fight for people that are precious to them and...Beep

**Messages on Naruto's machine:**

**Message#1**

(Hinata in a low heavy breathing) I…heehee…na-ha…naru…to…I hehehe…Beep…

**Message#2**

(Sakura speaking flatly) Hey, Naruto. I just wanted to remind you about the can opener that you borrowed from me yesterday. Don't forget to return it to me.

**Message#3**

(Hinata)Siii…so…ri…heehee…narut…o…hehheh…I…just…hehe…wanted…to…hiiihiiii…Beep…

**Message#4**

(Sasuke)Oh just wanted to call you and tell you to stop telling people that I'm dead! I'm just still being held hostage at the moment. Anyway even if I wasn't being held hostage or if I was really dead I still would never want to have ramen with an idiot like you. (Sakura) Sasuke where are you hiding? (Sasuke whispering) I gotta go.

**Message#5**

(Shikmaru sarcastic) I just called to tell you that I would love to play Naruto Narutimett for three straight hours but I'm busy. (Sound of helicopter in the background) Aww man that president's here already.

**Message#6**

(Hinata…again) Teehee…wanted…hehehe…tell…he-you…huhuhu…that…hehehe…me..hihihi…

nana….ta…hehuhehu…woo..beep…

**Message#7**

(Lee) Naruto! You know I would hang out with you if I wasn't busy. Well it's just that I'm working on becoming cooler and you know…I'm busy. Well I got to go and buy myself a Hillary Duff CD so I can become "in".

**Message#8**

(Hinata…)I….hi…hoohoo…hehhehe…Hina…ta…hahaha…Iya…lalove…hee-you…na-ha…ru-hu...to-ho…heeheehhee…Beep…

Hi

**Message#9**

(Jiraiya drunk and slurring)Naruto…I have candy…come on…show me that technique of yours…sexy…very sexy…sexy no jutsu…(loud snores)Beep…

**Message#10**

(Iruka) I'm really sorry Naruto but I can't treat you to Ramen today. I'm…doing…laundry. Of course I'm not going to attend a secret meeting of the "We are the most hunky, the most handsome, the most good looking, the most macho guys of Konoha" club which I am a member of.


	8. Naruto again?

N/A: Just read it!

**Naruto**

**(International line)**

**Naruto's answering machine message:**

Hello! You have reached Naruto's answering machine! I'm probably not home because I'm training. Yes training so that one day I will become the greatest Hokage of all time! (Insert triumphant music)Yes my greatest dream is to become the Hokage. I will become the Hokage and it doesn't matter what anyone else says. It doesn't matter what happens because one day I will become the Hokage and no one can stop me. Many people call me stupid and noisy but I will show them that even though I'm like this I will go through any obstacles and any challenges. With hard work and determination I will reach my goal to become Hokage. One day I will be the Hokage of Konoha and I will protect our village from all enemies. I will tear down the wall of oppression, I will protect the weak, I will fight for what's right, I will uphold justice, and I will spread harmony in our village. Yes I am a ninja. And ninjas fight for people that are precious to them and...Beep

**Message on Naruto's machine:**

**Message#1**

(Edward Elric from Full Metal Alchemist) You know you so stole the whole "I'm a noisy, short, but cute blonde" thing from me. I'll sue you! Naw, I'm just messing with you. we're cool. So my agent was telling me that their going to be producing a Full Metal Alchemist movie. Well in the movie Alphonse and I meet a kid and we think that the kid could be our brother. So I was just wondering maybe you'd want to try out for the role? Whatever just think about it. Call me.

**Message#2**

(Yami Yugi from Yu-gi-oh) Hey Naruto. Well on Thursday night Kaiba, Marik, Bakura, and I are going to play cards. You know I just wondering if you'd like to come. I mean of course I will win since I am the king of games and I do have the heart of cards and all. But you never know I mean you have the heart of a ninja and hey it might be fun or something. What do you say? Call me if you decide you want to come.

**Message#3**

(Yoh Asakura from Shaman King) Naruto, how have you been? I'm sorry that I'm only calling now but Anna's been making me do stuff for her again. Anyway how what about lunch tomorrow? We can talk abour our dreams. You can tell me how you're going to become the Hokage or whatever and I'll tell you how I'm going to become the Shaman king. How about it? (Anna) Yoh! Who are you calling? You still haven't cooked me dinner yet. And I haven't reached my mean quota for today. (Yoh whimpering) Yes Anna…

**Message#4**

(Inuyasha from Inuyasha) This is Inuyasha! Kagome finally taught me how to use the phone! It only took me two months to learn! Anyway, Naruto, I found this new Ramen shop on this little island in the middle nowhere. It's got a buy one get one free on Friday nights! And there's Karaoke! You have to go! Well that is if I'm not fighting demons and your not on some life-threatening mission that we all know your going to live through. Anyway just drop me a call.

**Message#5**

(Ash from Pokemon) Come on I'll trade you my slowpoke, my goldeen, and my graveler for your nine tales, please! Come on, I mean I bet you don't even know how to take care of pokemon. I'm going to be the best pokemon trainer and I need that demonic ninetales to add to my collection!

**Message#6**

(Hinata?) Tee…hee…naru…to-ho…hehehe…woowoo…I…uh…waaa..te-ted…to-who…seehey…th-that…I…tehetehe…Beep…

**Message#7**

(Sakura Kinomoto from Cardcaptor Sakura) Naruto, I have some great news! I 'm having a birthday really soon and I'd like you to come! There's going to be pony rides, a big cake, and a clown! RSVP as soon as you can.

**Message#8**

(Bubbles from the Powerpuff girls) I just…like…draw this picture…it was blue…no…uh..orange! When I looked at it, it reminded me of you…and oh yeah I like cookies!

**Message#9**

(Kenshin Himura from Rurouni Kenshin) Naruto, I'm going to hosting this party at the dojo and I just wanted you to know that you're invited. Its next week Saturday at 6:00pm. I mean everyone going to be there Sailormoon, Goku, Yusuke, and so many more. Remember this is an invitation-only party. Hope to see you there.


	9. Gai

N/A: Ahhhhhh! Ok! Ok! I know I haven't updated in like forever but that's still not a reason on go and try to kill me! JK…I've had like writer's block and I just couldn't think of anything else…

**Gai**

**Gai's answering machine message #1: **

Ok…almost got it….How the heck do you work this thing…maybe if I pressed this…beep…beep…click…then it's this button to record a message…(ahem)…Hello you have reached Maito Gai's answering machine! If you would like to leave a message…(incoherent mumbling)…I got to do it over…beep…click…click…beep….

**Gai's answering machine message #2: **

Oh no…how do I record over what I just did…maybe if I…click…beep…click…(more mumbling)…how does this contraption work!...maybe I should press this…Hello you have reached Maito Gai's answering machine! If you would like to leave a message…no that was playback button…. Hello you have reached Maito Gai's answering machine! If you would like to leave a message…(desperate yells) no no no… Hello you have reached Maito Gai's answering machine! If you would like to leave a message…

**Gai's answering machine message #3: **

Click…beep…beep…Ok Gai you can do this it's just a stupid machine…(Low beaming voice) Who are you calling a stupid machine?...(Gai's Girly Scream) Eeeekkk! M-my answering machine it-it…(Same low beaming voice)…Talked to you after you so seemly insulted it?

**Gai's answering machine message #4:**

(Gai)This button must turn it off…no this one…beep…click…(Low Voice) You idiot that's the replay button!...(noisy rewind)….(Low Voice)You idiot that's the replay button!...Click…Click…(Gai)How do you turn this thing off! Aaaachoooo! (Gai's answering machine) Bless you… (Gai) Thank You…

**Gai's answering machine message #5:**

Beep…(Gai screaming wildly) The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! (Gai's answering machine) Hey! Hey! Watch where the heck you throw that Holy water!

**Gai's answering machine message #6:**

(Gai's answering machine)You know we could talk about this rationally…(Gai) Yes, it's very rational that I'm talking to my answering machine! (answering machine) I think you have some issues with trusting. Tell me when this started? Usually this kind of emotional damage starts in the early stage of childhood…

**Gai's answering machine message #7:**

(Weeping Gai)…and then he stole my pet rock Mildred! I couldn't eat! I couldn't sleep! It crushed my poor little heart! (Gai's answering machine) very (Gai) Then there was this other time that a boy named Kyoro wouldn't invite me to his tea party because he said I wasn't cool enough! I wanted so bad to join them and have some tea with those little pink heart shaped cakes! Little pink-heart shaped cakes!

**Gai's answering machine message #8:**

(Answering machine) There, there here have some Gin…it could do you some good. (Loud slurping sound) Thank you…where was I? Oh yeah then I told Lee, Lee we must be like bamboo hard and straight in times of trouble yet soft and flexible when it comes to our emotions and others. Then we cried and walked into the beautiful sunset…

**Gai's answering machine message #9:**

(Drunken Gai) Thanks for all this…you know help hic….I never had a friend before…hic if I was ever to have a friend; hic I'm glad that it's you. burp (Gai's sarcastic answering machine) Yes, I feel so happy to know that an thick-eye browed teacher that's still a bachelor has accepted me as a friend…oh joy…I think I should celebrate…(Gai) You should here have some Gin…(Loud splashing sound)…(answering machine)What in blazes! (more gurgling)…

**Gai's answering machine message #10:**

(Drunken Gai and drunken answering machine) I love you…you love me hic…we're a happy drunken jounin teacher and malfunctioning answering machine…hic with great big hug….and a kiss from me to you hic hic…won't you say you love me…hic…too….

Note: I'm very sorry to say that after Neji, Tenten, and Lee found their drunken teacher singing to an answering machine they brought him to a mental institution…


End file.
